05 August 2014

Letter to Kalu

Kalu

My black son, my black angel.

My wild cat; so difficult to care for.

You bite me, you scratch me and once you even ignored me for 24 hours.

Those were disturbing 24 hours for me, because I knew you had lost the trust on me.

You felt that I betrayed you but all I was doing was trying to make you healthy again by taking you to the veterinarian.

Soon you will complete 7 years of age. Just 21 days from today…. Hope you will be still alive…..

I always bought chicken for your birthday as you used to love it so much, but now you don’t eat it anymore and I don’t know what to do.

And though I have been always strong, I confess to you my son that I am broken into billion pieces inside my heart and inside my soul.

I am writing to you before you go because I want you to know that I am very thankful to have you in my life. It has been an honor and my pleasure to be able to care for you.

Thank you my baby for spending so many hours of your life quietly next to me while I cried out of loneliness, sadness and other reasons. Thank you for always being with me while I lied down in bed ill or recovering from some surgery or problem.

You have seen me with black hair, red hair and blond hair. You have seen me super fat, fat and normal and you always loved me unconditionally didn’t matter how I look.

You always come to me doing meow meow, meow and rubbing on my legs asking for food. That is why my heart sinks down to the abyss of sorrow when I see you are not eating anymore as before.

The sight of those enormous pools of blood that you vomit don’t leave my mind. They haunt me like ghosts, reminding me that you will not be with me much longer and I just cannot control my tears.

I love you baby! I love you so much my Kalu!! Thank you my son for being with me all these years and for keeping me company in moments of trial.

I wanted to say much more to you but tears are disturbing me to see the screen and what I am writing.

Thank you for always coming back every time I opened the door for you to go out. That means the world to me. Even now I am keeping my promise of giving you your freedom and will hope you will keep on coming back until…….

I cannot write anymore, I am crying too much.

Kalu, please remember I love you! I always did and I always will!!!!

Your mom,
Sandra